Enough Light to Thrive

Can I be real and blunt with you at the risk of possibly sounding ungrateful?  What I’m about to say is NOT coming from an ungrateful heart whatsoever.  These are simply the facts: Ending up in a rental house in a small town is not THE dream that I’ve had for so long.  This is quite the sharp turn off the road - maybe perhaps on the way to THE dream, but that’s still to be determined later on down the road.  But nonetheless, here I am - thankful God made a way for us, but also so confused as to why this was the way He chose for me and my family.  Can you relate?  I’m fairly certain the majority of us feel this way from time to time.

There have been many blessings that have fallen into our lap after a year of hardship and heartache.  I am overwhelmed by God’s provision, always right on time, and I am so thankful - it has felt like such a long time coming.  When your dreams fall through and life keeps kicking you when you’re down, it feels like it’s never going to get better.  But the fight deep within me dug my heels in deep and refused to believe it.  Although this isn’t what I pictured for “things getting better”, it’s been everything we’ve needed.  Even though we don’t have the life of abundance I thought we’d be living now, doesn’t mean that we don’t have an abundant life.  Just because it’s not what I dreamed, doesn’t mean I’m not still living a dream.  Even though God’s provision isn’t what I envisioned, doesn’t make it any less of an incredible blessing.

There’s a lot to be said for making the most out of what you DO have; making your dream out of what’s within your grasp.  It’s something I’ve always been good at, but it’s taken me a little while to find my footing in this new place.  Thankfully time and healing have helped me start to reboot slowly but surely, piece by piece.  We’re in this rental for now, and a lot of it isn’t my taste and style - but it’s still a really great house and I can do what I CAN.  We’re allowed to paint the walls, and I can still decorate how I’d like to within the spaces, and I can do anything that can be reversible or undone without causing damage or permanent change, so I’ve got some ideas to make it more “us” while we’re here.  I’m slowly making this rental house into our home.  I don’t know how long we’ll be here, but I plan to make it as cozy and fun as I can.

“Even though God’s provision isn’t what I envisioned, doesn’t make it any less of an incredible blessing.”

I woke up this morning and cracked open the blinds in the house.  I so deeply miss all of the natural sunlight that would pour into our old house all day long.  It was always so bright until nighttime.  There’s not as much natural light throughout the day in this rental house, BUT there’s always just enough for my plants to sit in different places throughout the house, and still get enough light to thrive.  They are so cute and make me smile.  

I walked around the rest of the house preparing for the day ahead, and I found myself smiling a little more like I used to every morning once Meri came along when I would get up to start the day in our old house.  I’ve said it before I’m sure, but I used to genuinely feel so full of joy, and cozy contentment as I would walk around and be so thankful that was my life and that was my home - with our dog, Sam, always close behind.  That was, and will always be, a slice of heaven on earth to me.  I had held on so very tightly to those memories this past year.  But today, I caught myself standing there by our coffee bar area waiting for my coffee, looking around, with a little grin and a spark of that feeling in my heart.  Just a little one, but a spark nonetheless.  It’s as if I felt God’s grace meeting me where I was, and giving me the courage to keep on dreaming my dreams.  There was a whisper of “this is just a place for you to stop and rest for a while” - and it’s a good place for that.

I’m kind of like the plants in the house - maybe it’s not EXACTLY where I’d prefer to be… but I’ve got enough light to THRIVE.  I will keep growing.  If I can’t have THE dream for now, then I’ll just make my own new dream out of what I’ve got!  And when I look around, I’ve got a gracious plenty to be happy about.

I think God is calling me into a time of deeper healing, rest, and recovery.  Somehow He’s also pushing me to be more brave along the way.  He has plans for me to thrive… but maybe in totally different ways than I planned.

“I’ve got enough light to thrive.”

It’s time to stop fighting for THE dream for now, and give into where I am with open hands.  This isnt giving up, I remind myself.  This is acceptance of current circumstances while still having hopes and dreams.  Both can exist simultaneously.  That is something I have to remember.  Maybe we’ll get back on the road towards THE dream, maybe this sharp turn off road is to forage a new path - only time and God’s guidance will tell.  But I can still make this life as it is, a dream - in that, I am determined.

I still have THE dream deep in my heart, and I’ll never give up on it.  All of us will unless we finally are able to achieve whatever it is as a whole to us.  It’s okay to have THE dream.  It’s okay to try to reach for it and make it happen.  But maybe in the meantime, we can all do better to make the most of what we do have.  Maybe it’s not THE dream… but life can still be a dream if you make it one…

God’s grace will meet us where we are, and give us the courage to keep on dreaming; making the most of His blessings as we go. We have just enough light to thrive.